When I used to think about celibacy, it would conjure up images of Catholic priests and nuns. For me, celibacy felt like an extreme response to sexual shame, where the aim was to achieve spiritual purity by removing sex entirely from life. The underlying idea seemed to be that abstaining from sex brought one closer to God, implying that sex itself was inherently sinful or linked to the devil. This perspective never really sat right with me.
Recently, Bumble's marketing fumble with their anti-celibacy ad sparked a bit of an outcry about the importance of practicing celibacy to gain empowerment and understanding of one's relationship with sexuality. The ad dismissed celibacy as outdated or unimportant, which felt reductive. This outcry also pointed to a growing interest in celibacy, as more people are exploring it as a path to personal growth and spiritual connection. It made me realize that there's a lot of misunderstanding about why someone might choose celibacy. For many, it’s not about shame or repression but about empowerment and self-discovery.
This societal debate, coupled with two close, young male-identifying friends sharing with me that they were practicing celibacy, and several Chakrubs customers asking about including Chakrubs in their celibacy journeys, made me want to explore this idea further.
Historical Roots of Celibacy
As I looked into the historical roots of celibacy, I discovered that early Christian teachings, especially within the Roman Catholic Church, emphasized celibacy for clergy as a means to devote themselves entirely to God, free from the distractions of marital life. Over time, this idea became formalized, positioning celibacy as a path to spiritual excellence and dedication (Sources: Christianity.com, Ligonier Ministries).
In ancient Rome, the Vestal Virgins were required to take a 30-year vow of chastity to study and perform rituals. This practice was not just about personal purity but also about maintaining the sanctity of the Roman state religion (Source: Encyclopedia.com).
In other ancient cultures, celibacy was viewed quite differently. For example, the Lacedaemonians (Spartans) placed a high value on marriage and procreation. Bachelors were often ridiculed and pressured to marry and have children. While specific rituals of making amends to nature while naked are not well-documented, it is clear that Spartan society had strict expectations regarding marriage and family life (Sources: Church Life Journal, Encyclopedia.com).
In contrast to these views, other cultures have seen sex as a sacred and spiritual practice. For instance, the Kama Sutra, an ancient Indian text, presents sexuality as a means to connect with the divine. The text teaches that through the conscious and respectful act of lovemaking, individuals can achieve a higher state of consciousness and spiritual unity. This perspective aligns more closely with how I view intimacy and pleasure—as a way to be closer to spirituality and to acknowledge the profound gift of having a body.
Despite the powerful historical context of celibacy and the recognition of sex as a spiritual practice in some cultures, it seems that in modern society, sex is mostly devoid of this kind of spiritual understanding. The fact that in these historical contexts, sex was seen as so profoundly powerful that to be close to God one had to completely abstain from it proves that it holds significant power. Yet, in our modern society, we often give little weight to the idea that sex can be intertwined with our spiritual lives.
Part of my research into this topic was to speak with my friend Jordan Jeppe, a shadow work coach specializing in celibacy. Save this link for later to find out more about her work.
The Essence of Celibacy
Jordan told me that, “celibacy isn’t just about saying no to sex. It’s about saying yes to yourself. It’s a deliberate choice to pause and reflect on your relationships, your needs, and your emotional health. This practice can help individuals rediscover their self-worth, set healthier boundaries, and move away from seeking external validation through sexual interactions.”
photo: Jordan Jeppe
Jordan explained that the essence of celibacy lies not in the duration but in the intentional practices one engages in during this period. These practices include reflecting on past relationships, understanding attachment styles, and exploring emotional dynamics. "It's not about how long you're celibate; it's about what you do during that time," she said.
In our conversation, I realized that when I was developing Chakrubs, I was practicing a form of celibacy. I wasn’t engaging in intimacy with a partner, and I was really sitting with and exploring different feelings that came up—emotions, memories, repressed desires. I would engage in self-pleasure with my Chakrub. For me, this was so important to have a tool intended to help peel away layers of myself and to feel that pleasure was okay to have and to explore, creating an environment where I felt safe to explore these oftentimes scary emotions.
Click here to watch our conversation on Youtube.
Practices to Enhance Celibacy
When engaging in celibacy, intentional practices are crucial. Jeppe emphasizes the importance of reflection, stating, "It’s very intentional. It’s a pause to peel back layers of our relational patterns and our unhealed wounds." This space allows individuals to rediscover their intrinsic self-worth, realign boundaries, and shed the need for external validation through sexual pursuits.
Integrating Chakrubs into Your Celibacy Practice
Incorporating Chakrubs into your celibacy journey can offer a tangible way to connect with your body and emotions. When I was developing Chakrubs, I realized the importance of having a tool that was intended to help peel away layers of myself. Chakrubs, made from crystals, bring an added layer of mindfulness to the practice. For instance, using obsidian can help uncover repressed memories and emotions, while rose quartz can foster a sense of love and compassion.
Jordan shared her own experience, noting that "a practice of just sitting in meditation with the tool itself can be very revealing." She encourages people to sit with their Chakrub and notice what thoughts and emotions arise. This simple act can offer profound insights into one’s relationship with pleasure and sexuality.
Reflecting on Self-Pleasure
Jordan also emphasized the importance of exploring one’s relationship with self-pleasure during celibacy. For some, self-pleasure can be a form of distraction, masking deeper emotional issues. "It's worthy of questioning our relationship with it, while in the space of celibacy," she said. Understanding these dynamics can lead to a healthier relationship with oneself.
A Questionnaire to Explore Celibacy
To help you determine if celibacy might be a path worth exploring, consider the following questions:
- Do you often seek external validation through sexual interactions?
- Are you looking to better understand your relational patterns and attachment styles?
- Do you feel the need to realign your personal boundaries?
- Are you interested in exploring your intrinsic self-worth without the influence of sexual relationships?
- Do you want to reflect on and heal past emotional wounds related to sexuality?
- Are you curious about how celibacy can enhance your spiritual and emotional well-being?
- Do you wish to develop a deeper, more mindful relationship with self-pleasure?
If you answered yes to several of these questions, celibacy might be a valuable practice for you to explore. It offers a unique opportunity to turn inward, understand your needs and desires, and cultivate a deeper sense of self-love and empowerment.
Approaching Celibacy with Chakrubs
There are different ways to approach celibacy. One approach is to completely abstain from any type of intimate touch or self-pleasure for a designated period, allowing yourself the space to reflect and heal. Another approach is to incorporate tools like Chakrubs into your celibacy practice. Start by choosing a length of time to abstain from all forms of pleasure, then gradually introduce a Chakrub into your routine. This can help you explore your relationship with pleasure in a mindful and intentional way. Eventually, you might decide to open up to being intimate with partners again, armed with a deeper understanding of yourself and your needs.
Celibacy, when approached with intention and mindfulness, can be a transformative journey. By integrating tools like Chakrubs, you can deepen your connection to yourself, uncover hidden emotions, and foster a more holistic understanding of your sexuality. Whether for a specific period or as an ongoing practice, celibacy can provide a powerful pathway to self-discovery and healing.
